Ohio In The Year 2050 – Ten Bold Predictions

by Edward Harris on April 25, 2014

What changes can we expect here in Ohio in the year 2050?  Will weather significantly change? Will your car insurance rates quadruple or reduce by 40%? Will a major city change its name? Our staff of 200  has spent thousands of hours researching data and we are now releasing our predictions. OK. It’s only a staff of four persons and we spent about an hour writing this tongue and cheek article. But we hope you enjoy it anyway!

1. Car insurance in Ohio will be completely administered by the state government. Called “BuckeyeAutoCare,” there will be an Open Enrollment from October through December and a new tax credit will help drivers with more than three moving violations on their record, pay premiums. Drivers with more than five moving violations will receive 10 free orange cones to place in their driveway.

There also will be a new “Marketplace” that allows you to pick policies from four companies. But to keep risk low, once you exceed 300 miles driven in any week,  you must walk to school and/or work for the next 90 days.

2. There will be no more snow. Ever. When Indianapolis is getting a foot of snow, as it races towards Richmond, and hits the border, it mysteriously stops. Lake-effect snow becomes Lake-effect haze.  For a reason that not even the nation’s foremost scientific experts can understand, it never snows anymore in our state. Naturally, the sale of shovels and snow-blowers plummets. However, pool installation companies dramatically increase their sales.

Cleveland Browns Moving? What? The Browns Are Moving To Cincinnati?

3. The Browns will move to Cincinnati. The Bengals will move to Cleveland. The Reds will move to Trenton, New Jersey. And Miami University’s football team will go undefeated and defeat Alabama in the Sugar Bowl for the College Football National Championship.  The following year, the Redhawks will join the NFL. Yes, it will be a wacky year in Ohio sports!

4. Two of the state’s landmarks will change their names. Wright-Patterson Air-Force Base (WPAFB) will officially become Wright-Stuff Water Park, and provide additional summer recreation for the Fairborn, Beavercreek and other surrounding communities.

Kings Island will change its name to Queen Elizabeth, and become the leading resource for Queen Elizabeth memorabilia. The roller coasters will be converted to energy-efficient wind turbines and provide free energy for residents of Butler and Warren counties.  The famous roller coaster “The Beast” will finally be retired, and replaced by a not so-kid-friendly attraction called “Yertle The Turtle’s Grand Theft Auto.”

5. Miami University’s enrollment will reach more than 150,000, which makes it the largest college in the United States. The campus now encompasses most of Butler County and continues to expand. A pending  bill in the Ohio Senate authorizes  a name change from “Miami University” to “The Miami University.” By 2070, the campus will extend to Indianapolis. By 2090, 37 additional branch campuses will be built, including 12 in Australia.

6. The Bureau Of Motor Vehicles (DMV), in an effort to reduce accidents on the road, outlaws all night driving, unless a  pre-approved exception is provided. Some of these exceptions include: home Reds or Bengals game, first day of summer, double-coupon day at Krogers or visit to the area of national dignitary such as Jerry Seinfeld.

In addition to the night-driving restriction, all interstate highways will close on Wednesdays to provide time for workers to freshly paint orange construction barrels, which are now the State symbol. The penalty for hitting a barrel with your vehicle is  spending 12 months at one of Miami’s campuses in Australia.

Funny stuff about Youngstown Ohio The Future Of Youngstown Ohio!

7. Youngstown will secede from Ohio. At first, nobody believes the effort is real, but the city overwhelmingly votes to become part of Pennsylvania. Taxes will slightly increase and the area code will change, but the transition is relatively smooth. Nearby, the city of Sharon (Pennsylvania) also decides to secede. They will move to…Yes, you guessed it…Youngstown! Also,  Akron will request to move to Pittsburgh.

8. A new car manufacturer named “OatMule” will open up two plants in Dayton and begin the distribution of their new vehicle. Priced at just under $22,000 their feature car (named “Arse”) will get 190 miles per bushel. Instead of gasoline, the engine runs on wheat, and also has room for a small mule in the trunk in case the wheat runs out. In those types of situations, the mule can easily hop out of the trunk and pull the vehicle to its destination.

9. Driver’s licenses in the Buckeye state will be issued at age 12. The licensing will be on the honor system, with parents handling the training and explaining rules and regulations. Also, any person reaching age 75 must pass an eye and hearing test every two weeks. If they fail to pass two consecutive exams, they must immediately sell their vehicle. Car insurance laws in Ohio will be repealed and replaced by suggestions from visitors to the state.

10. Toledo will host the Indiana State Fair.  Although a bit odd, Toledo made an offer to the Indiana Governor and he gladly accepted. Apparently, Hoosier attendance was declining and it will save the state millions of dollars in expenses. Next year, Toledo is hoping to host as many as five different State Fairs, and possibly the World’s Fair.

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